Monday, 12 October 2009

Mummy says sorry

Jazzelle darling baby... Mummy says sorry... Like many say, 'Sorry brings no cure.' Indeed...

I've been complacent, I've been negligent and I've never thought I would allow you to fall from our bed. For the past few months, when you've yet to master the flipping, rolling and turning movements, it was safe for you to play on it. Now... I fell behind your progression, you've grown with vast and strong movements, like what we often nickname you, 'wormy worm.' Always wriggling in our arms and during diaper/clothes change.

It seemed like an unusual afternoon today when Mummy had to hurriedly shower because of an appointment with your potential infant care centre, and we didn't want to be late. I thought we should get ourselves ready for Daddy to pick and go. I'm not sure what got onto me to allow you to play on our bed, which is about 3 feet high, while I took a quick shower.

It was when I'm done with the shower, reaching for the towel and I heard a loud thud. It's too horrifying to be true, let it be the dropping sound of your toy, but no, it didn't sound like toy, your cry followed immediate. Like never before, I ran out of the bathroom, yet to dry myself, water dripping on the floor, I picked you up... cuddled so tightly to my chest. You cried badly for about 2 minutes, I felt your pain and I cried with you, I kept apologizing and promising, "Mummy will not do it again, never." And I mean it, Never again ... I promise!

The sound and image of your fall haunted me the whole day, and probably in my memory for quite a while. I'm so filled with guilt, with tearing eyes whenever I think of it. How could I?!!! A search on the definition of complacent threw this at me, "pleased with oneself, often without awareness of some potential danger." Indeed, I've been slapped so hard with this painful lesson. Complacent is now a word that I'll learn to take it more seriously and with more thoughts. Mummy says, "Sorry Jazzelle."


Thank God you're fine, I'm so glad that you're smiling, laughing and kicking like before. Thank you for being alright. You're always the darling of mummy's eyes... I love you!


Comfort note: I googled on baby fall and it seemed like most babies have such experience from beds or couches. All are well, mentioning babies have soft bones, bouncy body, which make them withstand falls. Sounds true, but now I remember complacency... 

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