Tuesday 31 December 2019

Patience in 2020

We arrived the end of year 2019. I hope the upcoming year will be better than this. We have so many things to be thankful and grateful for. When you start focusing on being thankful, there'll be no time left on being sore over unpleasant stuff.

I'm a stay home Mum with extremely little keep from freelance writing, and with the man being the sole breadwinner we managed to get on a 20 days California adventure this holiday. I've never dreamed this far since we went on single income. Thankful that we are never in lack.

Snow in Yosemite

Thankful too, that we managed to plow through each year without outsourcing any part of the kids' academic to tuition. No better satisfaction than looking at the amount of fees we saved. But honestly, when parents tell me the plunge of grades from primary 4 to 5, I get a little chicken out on containing everything to home. I hope I can continue to be chill about it.

As much as I love how the year ended, I've to confess the journey wasn't easy for me. Routines and schedules are nothing new to a stay home Mum, either it gets super packed that week or much fixed. Juggling kids of three different schedules, needs and demands, I felt I've lost a big part of sanity. I used to be really patient, like patiently taking down all their demands and questions even at the worst of me. This year, I noticed I couldn't do the same, my patience has been thinly spread throughout the year. I'm quick to get angry, I'm quick to scold and sometimes, I don't even bother if we are home or in public anymore. The disciplinary mum in me is just quick to jump in. If Motherhood is a test, I think it's an F on my report book. I'm flat out learning how to raise kids. 

I've spent too much time disciplining, correcting, chasing works and habits to be done. And as the kids grow older and busier, we have less time for quality bonding. I'm so glad we slotted in a vacation this year end. Family vacations are so essential, it compels us to put everything aside to just explore and play as a family. Nothing more beautiful than that. Wait, even so, the scolding and disciplining get into the holiday too. 

The toddler who is turning four next year, grows with a feisty temperament each day, and yes, he's still snuggling in my nest. I see some guilt sending him to school when it doesn't justify my role as a stay home Mum. It's a matter of time, I know. And cost too. But for some sanity, maybe it's worth that fee.

Don't stop playing!

While we still can, we should play more, while we still can, we should build home, esteem, confidence and character of our growing child. I was at the park with the kids last week, just thinking of how we can spend more time doing things as a family, before the kids start to really get busy with their own lives. I wondered if the rigorous weekend schedule kids have is worth trading over family time. What is the end goal and achievement of packing a weekend with classes and lessons. As much as I rejig, the daughter is still a victim of weekend classes because of gym. At least, it's just her for now, and we'll just have to be more focused on spending quality time together. All before those little hands and feet grow into adulthood. Growth is too fast. 

In 2020, I hope for nothing more, but patience. With home, with kids, with mess, with growing, with teaching, with failures, with successes and all the many thing that encompass around patience. 

May peace and patience be with you too. Happy New Year!