Patience in 2020

We arrived the end of year 2019. I hope the upcoming year will be better than this. We have so many things to be thankful and grateful for. When you start focusing on being thankful, there'll be no time left on being sore over unpleasant stuff.

I'm a stay home Mum with extremely little keep from freelance writing, and with the man being the sole breadwinner we managed to get on a 20 days California adventure this holiday. I've never dreamed this far since we went on single income. Thankful that we are never in lack.

Snow in Yosemite

Thankful too, that we managed to plow through each year without outsourcing any part of the kids' academic to tuition. No better satisfaction than looking at the amount of fees we saved. But honestly, when parents tell me the plunge of grades from primary 4 to 5, I get a little chicken out on containing everything to home. I hope I can continue to be chill about it.

As much as I love how the year ended, I've to confess the journey wasn't easy for me. Routines and schedules are nothing new to a stay home Mum, either it gets super packed that week or much fixed. Juggling kids of three different schedules, needs and demands, I felt I've lost a big part of sanity. I used to be really patient, like patiently taking down all their demands and questions even at the worst of me. This year, I noticed I couldn't do the same, my patience has been thinly spread throughout the year. I'm quick to get angry, I'm quick to scold and sometimes, I don't even bother if we are home or in public anymore. The disciplinary mum in me is just quick to jump in. If Motherhood is a test, I think it's an F on my report book. I'm flat out learning how to raise kids. 

I've spent too much time disciplining, correcting, chasing works and habits to be done. And as the kids grow older and busier, we have less time for quality bonding. I'm so glad we slotted in a vacation this year end. Family vacations are so essential, it compels us to put everything aside to just explore and play as a family. Nothing more beautiful than that. Wait, even so, the scolding and disciplining get into the holiday too. 

The toddler who is turning four next year, grows with a feisty temperament each day, and yes, he's still snuggling in my nest. I see some guilt sending him to school when it doesn't justify my role as a stay home Mum. It's a matter of time, I know. And cost too. But for some sanity, maybe it's worth that fee.

Don't stop playing!

While we still can, we should play more, while we still can, we should build home, esteem, confidence and character of our growing child. I was at the park with the kids last week, just thinking of how we can spend more time doing things as a family, before the kids start to really get busy with their own lives. I wondered if the rigorous weekend schedule kids have is worth trading over family time. What is the end goal and achievement of packing a weekend with classes and lessons. As much as I rejig, the daughter is still a victim of weekend classes because of gym. At least, it's just her for now, and we'll just have to be more focused on spending quality time together. All before those little hands and feet grow into adulthood. Growth is too fast. 

In 2020, I hope for nothing more, but patience. With home, with kids, with mess, with growing, with teaching, with failures, with successes and all the many thing that encompass around patience. 

May peace and patience be with you too. Happy New Year!

Third child guilt

Having 3 kids in the family never seemed like an equal distribution of time for each child. Some days, Mum guilt strikes when we get too busy with one or two, and totally neglects the less needy. In our family dynamics, having the youngest turned two last month, I've gradually realised the older kids consume most of my time by coaching them in school work, driving them to and fro school, back and forth music and sports classes. Which naturally, I gravitated a guilt towards the third born, Juboy. Realistically, it is tough to treat the third born the same way we handled number one and two. 

Still in the stage of being constantly torn between the demands of a toddler and 2 older kids, where we have schoolwork to juggle among the milk making and stories telling. I try very much to make our morning time as meaningful and quality together while the older 2 are in school. But I've to be honest that I am taking it slow and some days procrastinate my schedule. That tender age of two years old gives me many easy excuses.

On playdate

While the older two had an early taste of preschool at this age, I am reluctant to start Juboy on any. I see it as my privilege to keep his cuddles close, and probably the only way to justify my stay as a home Mum.

The guilt is sometimes disturbing. I felt like I wasn't giving enough. I run my errands with him, I find easy excuse when he seeks for attention. Picking his siblings from school is an exciting excursion to him. I made it sound exciting that he can play his favourite songs in the car. His familiar grounds are places where his siblings do their music enrichment classes. And often my idle companion while waiting for them to end classes.

He runs the schedule I run.

While waiting for big sister's class to start

Some days, watching him nap in the car from the rear mirror sends my heart aching a little. Wouldn't it be better to sleep in the comfort of his bed? Where upon destination, I won't have to carry him up. For that, I am very thankful on days that I can get him to nap before school pick ups, just so it's easier for my Mum to take over.

On the go with Mama

I do not track his milestones diligently, because honestly, when it comes to the third child, we possess that 'take your time' attitude. There is no hurry to know more words, speak in full, know that ABCs or 123s. We learnt that paces are different. Or maybe he will get to know the violin sooner than anyone one of us!

Youngest violinist

Looking at his weight, I get even more guilt stricken. He is not a good eater when it comes to meals. Some meals don't give me the luxury of time to conjure him with patience. If he eats, he eats. If he doesn't, time is up and we have to move on to the next schedule. You can imagine my joy of victory for every mouthful of food he chews in. He loves chicken wings, but we can't have that everyday. We tried a variety of options, but he really is determined to challenge us with food.

I only hope we can do better on meals.

These, the guilt of having a third born. No doubt, Mum guilt is seasonal. Some period, it is towards the eldest or second born. The guilt never ends, and anything can turn into a reason to feel guilty.

Soothing out that guilt, being the third born is no less on love. It multiplies the love in our family, love does not divide. We get extra laughter, hugs and kisses! I am very hearten that Juboy gets lots of love from his siblings.

Having more than one child is always a good thought. And when I'm in the state of bliss, I would entertain the thought of having a fourth. Just so we can tidy up the number from 5 to 6. Okay, not so much of that, just that I really love kids. Only that, raising one is lots of tough work.

In desperate times, gadgets help me a little. Judge me not.

Nothing, but Elmo

Three is good, and I am thankful. Parenting is a short journey, guilt should not dominate our days. Instead, work out of it. I'm getting more diligent with Juboy during our weekday mornings. We make trips to the parks, get on play dates and do breakfast together. It gets that Mummy guilt off the chest a little. But some other days, he will just have to sit and play around while I get tasks sorted out. That is if he will be self satisfied playing alone. Mornings are short, but most times we get to accomplish some fun within.

Come to think about it, having Mum guilt is a spur of wanting to do better. It means we care and want it better for our kids. Just be careful not to let guilt consume and eat us alive!

Mum's guilt, what is yours?

Kids do not run on batteries

We started the year with a busy note. From days with all freed up weekends, we have filled our weekends with classes. The daughter has gotten intensive into her gym training and the boy has started badminton. All filled on Saturdays and Sundays. 

Though they very much enjoy what they are doing, I'm a tad depressed that precious weekends are sucked into classes. And most times, we have to adjust our schedule to the coaches' schedule. Much more than the other way round. For being a home Mum, I've always tried every best to fill classes on weekdays, just so weekends are solely for free time.

Jare has drums on weekday and badminton on weekend. This boy needed a sport to keep him sane. Jazz's plate is fuller, she has gym training four times a week, twice in school and twice over the weekends. In midst of weekdays, she has piano and violin. This really isn't our ideal, but probably the best hours we can put in for her upcoming competition. In competitive sports, her training hours are shy of what most athletes are pumping in.

Her weekly schedule is pretty much filled. I've asked ourselves umpteen times if there is something we should rejig or let go, but we couldn't decide. We did consider putting music on hold, but I didn't want to risk her losing interest in them. Not that she is excelling, but because starting them off wasn't a hasty decision, they were meant for long term. Starting two musical instruments was never my plan. With her already doing piano then, she asked to do the violin. Music is a long and dedicated journey.

Once started, giving up is not an option even when journey is tough, giving up is not an option even when your teacher got a little more strict and giving up is not an option since the day you embarked. We have not ended our race, perseverance is probably the only option. Most times, a kid gave up on something, not because he chose to, but because the parents chose to or partnered that decision in a way or another.

Start something thoughtfully.

 

At this point of her schedule, I am concerned about her childhood. I am concerned about the increased work load from school and the delayed bedtime she gets. I am intensely concerned about protecting her free time for play. Even if it means crafting time for boredom.

Just last week, the daughter heard a conversation between her piano teacher and me. Her teacher was unable to make it for the next lesson, and asked to do a make up the following Monday which Jazz has gym on. I do not really like doing make up lessons out of our allocated time schedule, but I understand private teachers teach for a living and if every parent calls off lesson as and when, what is stability to their income? With that thought, I took the liberty to okay for a makeup lesson on Monday, which Jazz has gym. No other schedules could meet the teacher and ours. 

So make up lesson will be on Monday, after gym and dinner. Jazz came up to me after the teacher left, and said in a pathetic tone, "After gym is very tiring you know. I don't run on battery, Mama." 

That was my wake up call! I mean even if it is just a one time schedule of packing 2 lessons in a day. I really thought she could grit on and just do a lesson of piano. I must have overlooked her physical  and mental ability. It's sad that kids today run packed schedules. Those days when our weekends were all so freed up, we couldn't fit a good play date because most of their friends would be engaged with lessons. 

These are kids of our century. The trend of declining playtime.

And the daughter is absolutely right, she doesn't run on battery. I had better sort it out quick before she gets flat out. I told her teacher, we are unable to do any make up lesson, and we will skip lesson for a week. That's just how "consistent" we get with music practice. But mental state is always a priority. We will take it slow and hopefully, move as steadily as we hope to.

Jazz spoke right into me, while most of the times I give them choices about their schedule and what they had like to do about their activities and lessons. I must have overestimated her ability. Even if she was a battery, everlasting is a matter of time. How quick should we intervene or what right choices should we make right at the beginning? I'm very sure at this point of time, we will need to free up her weekend gym schedule once competition is over next month. If she is agreeable.

What is your child's schedule like? Let's be reminded that there are greater things and achievements than running in and out for classes. There are different environment and places to hang around in. Let's be reminded to factor in free time for their hobbies. Time is often more on hand when they are a child, more than when they step into the corporate world. 

Their kind of childhood is very much in our command.

There is really much considerations when starting our child on something. Do we want it short-term or long-term, what approach are we taking towards it, does a school or private teacher give us the flexibility we want and of course, if our child is enjoying their schedule? Let's not get sucked into the system of 'because everyone is doing it', but because my child needs and enjoys it. 

Enrichment, be it arts, music, sports or academic, in any childhood today, it's almost inevitable. Do we want to orchestrate their schedule or do we allow them to play the music of their life? I forgot to ask my kids, but I will ask them tonight, what are the activities that bring them most joy?! We should be doing more of that!

This Lunar New Year, we want to celebrate family bond and rest from schedules. May you have a splendid time ahead too, Happy New Year!

Is there a best age gap between siblings?

We're into the 3rd week of welcoming our newborn, Juboy. His monicker. It's been quite a breeze this far, except for some nights when he decided to fuss after feeds and rob the peace of the light sleepers. The man and I.

Other than disrupted sleeps, it's looking manageable this far. Breastfeeding was initially tough as we struggled to bring his jaundice down, but flow is now good and supply is sufficient. He's drinking very well and getting chubbier along the days. I guess we will be good transiting onto the second month without help from our confinement lady. I'm an experienced Mum after all. #notshy

Being our third and having 2 kids (Ages 7 and 5) of a rather big age gap, everything seems to fall pretty well in place. Jazz and Jare are showing much affection to their little brother, and because of this gap, I find that they easily comprehend that the baby needs their Mama when he demands milk. The only case of crying gets you what you want in the house. No jealousy or rivalry. 

Thankful for these understanding little people. 

It was somewhat different years ago, when I was pregnant with Jare. A guilt bugged me and I felt bad towards Jazz for needing to divide attention with another sibling soon. She was 2 and it seemed we've not had most of her toddlers years yet. 

I recalled the initial weeks upon our second arrival were rough, we dealt with jealously and Jazz was throwing random tantrums that required our complicated navigation. At that tender age of 2, nothing seemed to work with reasoning. It was however, rainbow after storm and rain. 

The third came and I felt extremely accomplished to have seen and focused through the toddler years of Jazz and Jare. Though Jazz does require some help and attention with school work now, she is independent most times. In fact, both elders are very much independent. 

There are different benefits and drawbacks for having siblings spaced closely together, just as there are in siblings spaced apart. I did worry they may not be playmates the same way, the things they can or cannot do together, as well as the closeness they hold. But perhaps, I should look at this as having greater love, encouragement and help from the older siblings.  

We are still in the early days of adapting, and I do hope things stay as wonderful as it is. Of course, the littlest has yet to discover the pros and cons of his siblings. More squabbles or peace ahead? The days will tell.

I reckon, there really isn't a perfect time to have another child, even if it means starting babyhood after a long while. The best time for one, may not be the best time for another. We all have different family dynamic.

While little lives are wonderful gifts from God, we will be given the wisdom to work around our circumstances to bring forth and care for another blessing. For sure, another sibling will be the best gift for one another.

Looking forward to the brighter and exciting days ahead as FIVE!

"I'm sorry" - Apologizing to your child

When a messed up situation annoys my Motherly peace too much, I knew I had to say, 'sorry.'

I said 'sorry' to my daughter. It wasn't tough putting that parenting pride down. I think about the times I sat my child down for a heartfelt apology from me, it was rare. Either I was managing emotions well, too prideful or rather, apologizing should not be a frequent habit that we don't learn from mistakes. So much about teaching the kids on 'saying sorry', I'm glad I had an opportunity to learn and reflect again.

Saying 'Sorry' to my child was nothing about embarrassment, but all about nurturing and moving on for a better relationship. Not a single moment did I feel it was wrong to say, 'Sorry' or was I submitting myself to an authority. We know respect is mutual regardless the age. I will say, the more sensible being of the parties should make and teach the good initiative. That's me, the Mama.

Last week, I blew up and got mad with Jazz, threw her paint materials and lovely artworks into the trash. All because she decided to leave them like orphans in her room. It was of multiple attempts asking her to clean up and tidy things back to where they belonged. Those umpteen nags got my anger at stake.

Trashed and retrieved

All these chaos just before her bedtime. And we were so overrunning bedtime that I didn't find time to cool, calm and mediate the situation before she ends her day in sleep. She went to bed in hurt and tears. Hurting her bugged me so much that night. How could I have thrown her hard work into the trash?!! They were some time and effort spent. I knew there was a better way to handle that situation of mess.

We found time to talk the next day. I looked into her eyes and told her, "Sorry for throwing your art pieces." We went on to talk about what should have been done, what I shouldn't have done and how we can prevent. A talk like this was healing for us both. In fact, I knew she would be one happy child the next day because of how quick little kids forgive and forget. But then, I do think she is no more one toddler. We do need to handle situations with new maturity at different stages.

We did recovery together by rummaging through the bin for the pieces. And now, there's just so much story in these artworks.

Artworks on light sabers and ice cream

It was more of a lesson for me than her. I felt the need to apologize for that emotional hurt, which could be a deep one. I didn't want a memory of such to be ingrained in her, and I knew apologizing was a comforting closure for us.

I did learn, parenting is not about ourselves, but the many opportunities and decisions we can choose, to focus more on our kids. Thank you Darling, for this opportunity to model humility.

We all make mistakes, and I know what I am sorry about. I don't do everything right in raising my kids, but I learn.

How often do we remember to put down that parenting pride?

Time well spent

The month of December had been very eventful for us. I've never felt so accomplished, or rather, truly savour the life of a Mother till the luxury of time gave opportunity. We had a lovely month that was lightly scheduled with classes, but with a schedule of fun. It's beyond words when I say sanity is taking a break from my Mama-taxi routine, slow down and enjoy time with the kids.

It did mean I spent much more time with the kids! And honestly, I love it.

We did vacation and came home rejuvenated.
We got addicted to fun.

We left the TV almost untouched because we've been out to play.

Almost everyday!

We caught many movies in the cinemas,

One of which turned them into Star Wars expert.

We were in for feasts and parties because Christmas was here.

We read stories and the true meaning of Christmas.
A festive beyond gifts and Santa.

It was about the birth of Christ, the reason for the season.

We opened presents one after another, with much thankfulness within.

We were heartened by family and friends who kept us in mind. 

They knew Santa was made up, but we continued to play this year.

Who doesn't mind extra gifts?

We shopped for groceries,

with the frequent requests to pay at the self checkout counter.

On those rainy days, we explored new board games.

Sunny days, we hung out playing with bubbles and roller blades.

Oh, it's one nice thing to watch them still amazed by short-lived bubbles.

We shared endless hugs and kisses.

 Discussed about the right and wrong moral acts.

We concluded, sometimes life is not always fair. 

I marveled at how much they have grown,
and wondered where has the year gone.
We are one evolving family.

We discovered and re-discovered more about each other. 

With gladness, I smile at the beautiful memories we built and are building.

We never looked much into time because our agenda was free.

We shared more bedtime stories and prayers.

We overran bedtime and time to rise.

There was no better time to snug in bed.

We played, danced and sang.

We farewell our teachers and friends during the last school day.

I had more opportunites to take glances at them.
 I told them that they are beautiful and handsome,

and that I love them more than anyone else.

Not even the prince or princess they will meet some day.

A Mother's love is never to be overtaken.
Yes, I am one unique identity.

We were reminded that this should be home,

Where love and fun shall abide.

Always.

Love, 

Mama

Monsters under the Sea and Universal studios

To serve God as a Mother is time well spent. While reflections should be a constant, I'm so overly blessed for these children heaven-sent, and for a beautiful month like this. To take time slow and be rewarded with a well-deserved break from the sometimes heavy laden routine. It was a great wrap to the year.

We hope, you too, had a wonderful wrap to the year. Remember to slow down as much as we can, to savour Motherhood!

Looking forward to a greater year ahead. Cheers to 2016! Happy New Year!

Health is truly wealth

And so we are back from a rejuvenating getaway. Any getaway that breaks us free from routines and schedules is all well worthed. Looking to update our travel soon.

Just the week before we set foot for our travel, Js fell very ill. Jare was down with a week long of fever, followed by Jazz. The kids took turns to be in and out of school, while I felt almost exhausted running the roles of a nurse and a Mum.

In midst of our battle, when sickie days show no mercy to what's in plan or scheduled, we got really caught and sometimes, I wonder if we really have to battle some events with a sick body. It's no brainier to know we should stay away from classes or events when sick, but sometimes it's more than just the usual. Js had enrichment classes to attend and Jazz had even much to cover in the month of November. She had a violin and graduation concert. Not forgetting the numerous rehearsals, as well as her usual violin, piano and swim classes in between. Everything swarmed up in the third week of November, I felt hectic and tired just looking at her. How did my 6 year old get so bogged down by schedule suddenly?!! I had to assure her that peaceful days are ahead.

Farewell preschool

After her violin concert

That week she was down, she had 3 important rehearsals to attend, 2 for her graduation and 1 for violin. We made the decision to skip 2 of the 3 rehearsals, which wasn't an easy decision for they were full dressed and photo taking rehearsals. And also, we needed to minimize contact with her friends, in case she was contagious. For that one rehearsal which she brought up her spirits to attend, I got a call from her teacher that her fever spiked. I packed medication and rushed down like a F1 driver to fetch her home for rest.

On days which her fever didn't spike, I asked if she could make it for her enrichment classes. She positively and assuredly told me she could. I always admire her fervent attitude when it comes to learning. At the moment I thought, "Oh, great, we don't have to miss classes." I was overly concern about missing classes, forfeiting fees or having to arrange for replacement classes as next month is a month of vacation and relaxation. Really, I had wanted a schedule free month in December. We needed more play than anything else before a new school term begins.

One of the days, I called my man in the office to update on Jazz's fever chart. He graciously and calmly told me, "forget about the classes. Let her rest." In midst of the sick chaos, I got shaken and got my mind cleared up. What a terrible Mum I've been. How could I have encouraged my daughter this hard on classes while battling a roller-coaster fever?!! Didn't we always talk about resting well, eating well and that health is wealth. Oh man! A sudden guilt poured over me, even though she was one little active girl, who was playing and eating relatively well. I started calling schools and teachers if I could do replacement classes, or miss a lesson without forfeiting fees. Some were understanding and one had to forfeit our fees. Anyway, I realised health is more important than anything else. Moreover, Jazz is usually a tough being who rarely falls ill. It's been 4 years since she last visited a Pediatrician. I knew this wasn't easy for her too.

I got reminded, that I should teach them to rest and rest, especially when they are down. I got reminded, it really didn't matter about the classes they miss, but the priority of knowing that health comes first. In our often hectic life, grown ups tend to work and overwork even when they are extremely sick. Sometimes I just have to blame this on the herd mentality or our work habit. While we value achievements, we should not compromise on rest. It's some bad living example to our kids, isn't it?!! I think it's one habit and knowledge we can cultivate since young, that we should learn to nurse a sick body in order to face the battles and challenges ahead. 

But wait, if your child is down on a very important event of this lifetime, what would you do? Decisions and decisions. I was just glad she fully recovered and did so well for her graduation concert, which she practiced and rehearsed so diligently for.

On another revelation, I've realised that the beauty of being a stay home Mum isn't really about being there for your kids, especially when they are sick. But that, it really is one great help when the man can focus solely on work, without having to worry about home or sacrifice any leaves to send them to the doctor or be home with them. There's this firm assurance that his wife, the kids' Mum and probably the best caregiver for the kids is home with the unwell kids, and that they are in good hands. It's true when we say, there's a woman behind every successful man. Yay, I proclaim that!

It's not often picture perfect

Parenting is often so picture imperfect. When we thought we know what to do, we are actually doing it wrong. Love how new revelation shapes and reminds us of our parenting values.
 

So people, rest well and rejuvenate well for the coming battles ahead. Let's not over-exhaust and always remember to rank health before wealth. 

The bliss of parenting in Singapore

It's the National Day weekend and as I look around Singapore in comfort and blessings, I am swarmed by the feeling of gratitude. I am thankful for being comfortably contented.

While some choose to be whiny and grumpy with what's in place, I count my blessings to be building a family and parenting my kids here. I am blessed to be raising my kids in this country that we can call home, anytime.

My blessings!

Dear Singapore, there are just so many things I am grateful for:

1. I am blessed that my kids can do the language of bilingualism in school as a formal education. With English and Mandarin being the top 3 most World widely spoken languages. Speaking of which, they are rather influential languages too. 

2. Many condemn our rigid and results driven education system, but I love how we produce some smart little citizens of this era! Don't be surprised at how our graduates can get quickly snapped up by top firms overseas.

3. I am glad that we are not restricted to any child birth policies as children are true blessings. We choose our comfort family size and multiply fruitfully.

4. Incentive measures for giving births! I sincerely Thank You for that. You didn't have too, but you wanted something to work for the nation. It's an added bonus, not one taken granted for.

5. Subsidies! There are various choices of childcare all around, from the low to high ranging prices. I am just thankful for the subsidies granted to each child. Again, you didn't have to.

6. Transiting to primary schools! I'm thankful it got so much more affordable than preschools, though the application process can be quite intense.

7. I have learnt to live life even more to the fullest when stress comes cascading on us. And with academics pressure all around, we have learnt to enjoy and play harder with the kids. Just so they can engage childhood the meaningful way. 

8. With strict laws, we feel safe raising our kids here. Thank you too, for a World class healthcare hub and a clean and green garden city.

9. There are just so many family activities and places we can do here. We only run out of weekends.

10. Our family and friends are here. It takes a village to raise a child and there's no better reason than this.

I honestly can't think of a better place to raise my kids!

When we start looking at life with gratitude, only do we appreciate what we have. Quality parenting and quality life differ vastly. We do have choices to determine our level of contentment. More often, we should live life wisely and stay wise enough to be grateful.

Let's engage the attitude of gratitude, just so our kids will mirror it and bring it forward.

How blessed are we to be birthed here, in Singapore. A truly small country with an immaculate global reputation. Happy 50th Birthday, we love you, Singapore!

We are one people, one family!

15 signs we're ready for P1!

And so we've been rather smooth with Jazz's primary school registration. There were just so much thoughts the moment we stepped out of her potential school. We knew things will be looking so different with this important milestone.

When I now take a step back and look at her, with that long hair laying over those slender shoulders, I knew she wasn't a baby or toddler anymore. Though I often live in denial by still calling her, baby.

Her poise, her actions and words have matured to a whole new level. Slowly and surely, she's growing to be the fine young lady I had imagined her to be. We gradually caught signs of our readiness for this formal education milestone:

1. We don't play too hard on Sundays anymore. We try to get home early on Sundays, retire early and get well rested for a refreshed start on Mondays. Good habit begins early.

2. When I raise my tone at her younger brother for some mess or tasks to be done, she intercepts swiftly to get it done for her brother. She's no longer just a bystander.

3. We realized there's so much more independent skills to learn. We started to train her on buying and paying for food and drinks, know her money sums, tell time and learn more diligently about toilet hygiene. There's so much more capabilities in her.

4. We found ourselves answering more questions with the answers, "Erm, I'm not sure." "No idea" "I don't know." She starts to challenge the intellect in us.

5. She initiates to teach and read to little brother whenever I ask for tutor replacement. Her patience  gets better than mine!

6. When we start praising her for some good acts, she doesn't smile beamingly at us anymore. Instead, she gives the 'isn't that what I'm suppose to do'  look. She better comprehends responsibility now.

7. She starts ransacking our drawers for evidence that the tooth fairy and Santa Claus were made up. She doesn't live in the world of bubbles anymore.

8. Keeping our fingers crossed, she loves the alarm clock. She doesn't snooze it.

9. We start to realize she's no more eating those small portion meals, but a bigger appetite now. I start to keep her weight in check. Eating right is a good habit from young.

10. We talk more about confidence, manners, empathy and kindness in a school setting. It's a bigger world out there.

11. We know too, she's ready to bid preschool farewell when she tunes in to Disney XD, instead of Disney Junior! Some days, she asks to watch my dramas too. Cartoons? A thing of her past.

12. When we brought her to see Barney live, she said, "It's too kiddy!" It's been some years Barney and her didn't keep in touch. Justin Bieber might be more exciting.

13. When I asked her dramatically if those dino figurines on the floor would bite.... she ignores me. "What!" Sometimes, I think I'm still talking to a 3 year old.

14. And seriously, did we have to stop visiting indoor playgrounds even though I've a 4 year old in tow? She's a little of an oversize for that. We look at play differently now.

15. And she's already asking if she can go back to preschool to visit her teachers. She must have discovered gratitude. 饮水思源 (when one drinks water, one must not forget where it comes from).

Always remember your root, no matter how high you soared

So, it's definitely of some research and a good age to start formal education tenderly at 7. I think we, the forward lookers, are almost mentally ready for the education journey ahead. Did she have to grow this fast?! Cuddle our cuddlies before they outgrow our arms. 

Did you spot such signs of school readiness too? Treasure the big and little moments in our family's everyday, before the schoolwork starts to consume our kids. In midst, don't forget about having fun together. A family that plays together, stays together!

Day of National Remembrance - 08 June

Being a parent and a Mum of 2 children, my heart goes out the families and kins of students and teacher who have perished in the Sabah quake. My deepest condolences.

We know it wasn't just lives lost, but unrevealed dreams and ambitions that have been cruelly buried. I woke up one of the mornings reading the quake updates with tears flowing almost continuously. I mourn for the young people who have yet to discover the bigger and more beautiful things in life, the society that awaits the fulfillment of their ambitions and contribution of dreams. That moment too, I have a sudden fear of losing my children.

I've school going children and each time, I've to silly-ly confess, I dislike reading the disclaimer in consent forms, "The school will not be liable for any accidents that might occur..." Though a reasonable clause to fend off any possible conflicts when unfortunate accident arise, I don't quite like seeing it. It does get a little more comforting when I read on "...but will ensure that every possible care is taken for the safety of your child." A parent, an inevitable worrier. I think about the bus that brings the kids to destination, the busy roads they'll be near and whether they would unknowingly wander away from the group. The endless and uncalled worries.

Nonetheless, I signed 'consent' on every piece. I need to let go! It's just a prelude when we talk about local destinations, not even crossing the border. I often self-assure that my kids are in the good hands of their teachers, who are sometimes like their second parent when I'm not around. Their experience in managing the logistics and safety is one I should not be doubtful about. We don't need an irreversible incident to demonstrate the teachers' selfless act of love. That's the kind of trust we should foster between a school, teacher and parent. A firm believe that teachers would display parental instinct when we aren't around.

With mature minds, we have to identify the contrast between negligence and natural disaster. Which one can be controlled, and the latter not. In this incident, clearly an unpredicted earthquake. There should be no blame games. Or if myth is true, we could choose to be upset with the trekkers who decided to picture bare with the mountain and unknowingly angered it. Interesting myth I've learned.

Consenting to overseas trip without parents along may not be an easy decision. But exposures like these may not give the same learning experience as doing it within family. I won't say "Go for it!" at an instant, but I will assess. We know our child's best and everyone has different level of comfort. That deserves some respect too.

The innocent lives lost are our nation's lost dreams. Thankful too, for those who survived to tell the story of the heroes. Once again, we stand in unity on this National Day of remembrance.

#sabahquake

Worrying is not love

Are there turned down decisions made, which often fall under the spell of a worrying mind? Worrying is inevitable. If I can, I would like to sum it to our local way of saying, "You worry too much, you lugi " (I think I should have a trademark for that). Plainly, too much reservations, you lose out. 

Being a worrier doesn't change a thing, it does not equate to love or adds more love. It could simply rob us of an opportunity to further explore our desires. I was one Mum who worried too much and too often. Along the years, I discovered the beauty of letting worry go, in trade for a freer mind. Easier said than done, I know it's almost impossible to get on the worry free mode all the time. I know what Mums think, and I can identify. We worry endless about our kids, their schedule, academics, choices, peers, milestones and all sorts of aspects in a growing child.

Perhaps, we should spend more time thinking how we can plan to overcome that solvable or unsolvable worry, instead of spending worthless thoughts on it. Come up with a well considered decision after accessing the reasonable aspects of both controlled and uncontrolled factors. End the worry swift.

When the man secured his scholarship some years ago, with a decision to relocate for studies in the states. I sank into a sea of emotions, overjoyed for him and at the same time worried about our shift. Life wasn't just the two of us. We had two little ones, who were then 1 and 3. I thought we were too comfortable for any change. I held countless worry of adaption, housing, food, independence and kids! Too overwhelming to be away in a foreign land for 1.5 years. I wasn't ready, and there wasn't a perfect time to. 

I am so thankful today that we made it and enjoyed our time overseas tremendously. Every single moment of it was memorable. It could have been an opportunity declined because of an uncalled worry. We were outpouring grateful for that opportunity seized and a decision that weighed far more valuable than just worrying. See the bigger picture.

A milestone for the man

No idea what is on your worried mind today, but let's stay worry free. Most often than we thought, worrying accomplishes nothing. Dump out the negatives and pour in the positives. Sometimes, we might need a little more courage, action and affirmation - "Just do it!"

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mat 6:34

A legend

I thought it was time for the Monday morning routine,

I woke up strangely, but not yet

I went back to bed.

I probably know by now, why that jerk from sleep.

I drove my kids to school,

It seemed like an unusual morning drive.

Perhaps, because of a different sound from the radio.

It was radio silence. 

A respect and mourn for a noble man.

I was teary, but I knew you've led a glorious life.

A mind of yours is not an easy come by, 

and you were called to be this one history maker.

You had foresight and hindsight,

but we knew, you too, ain't perfect.

You never wanted a decision to hurt your country mates.  

 A founding father indeed. 

A better place and future was your vision.

While we shouldn't be complacent, 

It seemed we're almost there. 

You may rest in peace.

We hold on dear to those you've built and solidified, 

We're blessed to reap the fruits of your labour. 

You first gave us stability, just so we could build a family in peace.

In years and generations to come, your story will be told.

Courage, leadership and perseverance,

You will always be remembered.

Nostalgic dragon playgrounds

It's most often that we start to miss and treasure places only when we hear of them being on the verge of vanishing. We had always wanted to visit some of the still existing heritage playgrounds and had recently got it checked off our list. In view of SG50, A juggling mum had initiated a blog series of heritage playground among fellow Mummy bloggers. I am very excited to share our contribution on this.

If you lived as a kid in the 80s, Heritage playgrounds might be looking very familiar to you. Specially the dragon playgrounds that are now iconic to most Singaporeans. Not many left, but we've recently set foot in the baby dragon playground at Toa Payoh.

This friendly baby dragon, not standing it's full size is now co-existing with a new generation playground just next to it. Looking like a play battle of the now and the older generation kids, I've to say they didn't really blend well standing side by side. It's perhaps true when we say there's a big gap missing between generations. Don't get mad if our kids don't understand us. We might not quite know them well too. After all, we've been on different playgrounds.

Love the nostalgic effect my man took with this

This orange baby dragon playground that's being densely surrounded by built up flats, seemed rather abandoned on the weekday evening we visited. There were fallen leaves all over the vintage steps and slides. You can see them on the rubber flooring too. Nonetheless, we swept them off the dragon to have some play on it. We were surprised that this friendly dragon first appealed to Js instead of the modern structure next to it. I chuckled at their refreshing choice of play.

They had fun simply by climbing to the top of the mini dragon and wading down the gentle winding slide. Just like this, they knew it was something different from their usual playground. Yeap, that's the type of playground your mama and papa went on in the past.

Looking majestic with mini dragon

We didn't stay too long, had some pictures and play with it then left. Honestly, fun factor wasn't that great on the baby dragon. Since we were in the vicinity of the iconic full bodied dragon, also in Toa Payoh, we knew visiting it was a must for a higher fun factor. It wow-ed the kids! Dragons are always impressive huh. Something of the past may be nostalgic to us, but definitely new looking to the kids of now. Needless to say, this was where they spent most time getting adventurous with.

Great fun he had!

Dragon playgound

The blocks of flats that guarded around it had been demolished. This tough standing playground is mostly likely to stay. Standing alone, it really is looking more majestic than before. 

As a parent of today, I wondered how did we, kids of the past adventured on these playgrounds. I went on the steps and found them really steep, went on the dragon's body and found myself struggling with height phobia. I couldn't imagine my man telling me he jumped off from the highest point when he was playing catching with his friends. Oh my! Significant difference between the playing journey of the past and present. It looks like we aren't giving our kids of now enough room for adventure. Still, where adventure is, safety must be present. I guess that must be one of the reason why these playgrounds are being phased out.

Oh well, there are more playgrounds of yesteryears awaiting our discovery. Some may have vanished and some are staying strong. Treasure the past and present, while they last.

Mini dragon playground

in front of Block 240 Toa Payoh Lorong 1

In front of Block 240 Toa Payoh, Lorong 1

Full bodied dragon playground

Toa Payoh Lorong 6

Toa Payoh Lorong 6

Near Blk 29 Toa Payoh, Lorong 5

Media literacy - Let's be kind!

Have you recently watched an interesting commercial on the TV that promotes media literacy, about how negative comments can pull one down and affect the mood of a person? It was a commercial about a happy lady holding onto a huge heart, and it started to shrink as she met negative comments along her travel journey. So yeap, let's guard everyone's heart by sharing on the Internet wisely. Create a better Internet together for better media literacy.

In midst of going through a tough time with our respectable forefather, Mr Lee Kuan Yew, I am dishearten to see and read about hoaxes and negative comments some people blatantly made. What profit do they gain from this? I'm even more curious about what they are angry at. I count my blessings to be under his leadership.

I'm glad to see on my Facebook feeds, the positive voices of our citizens. Lets dump out the negatives and uplift the mood with positives. I've asked my Facebook friends if I could share their kind and encouraging thoughts on my blog and they agreed instantly. Thank you! And here goes:

"it saddens me to see this... and the nasty comments that follows made it worse.
we are where we are today because of the leadership. I wouldn't say it's always good - no policies in the world is perfect because there's always 2-sides to a coin.
he and his party had been doing a good job to keep, well, the nation moving forward. and because of that, our words hold some weight globally.
to the haters, it's all politics. he may be ruthless in his methods but don't make him sound that bad. I'm sure you will do the same if you were him back in the days. trust me... you are not that noble."
Eric Lim

"Its saddening to see many people writing unpleasantary stuff about legend off without getting any official news or.I have seen him in many of the grassroots events and by far he is one man who i can define - visionary with class.By right,he is the real messiah in why we are living through the good jubilee years of Singapore.He is the Mr SG50.Even though,Singapore is a very expensive country to live in but its because of your vision and ambitions sir,we are all proud to call ourselves Singaporean.Thank You."
Naresh Jaiswal 

"LKY. An amazing man, super privileged to be alive during his lifetime. Hope good health be restored to him and that he be around to be a part of our Jubilee celebration"

Delia Bay 

"LKY. People with nothing nice to say ought to just keep their mouths shut. The old man is about to pass on. The last thing his family needs is nasty words from the public.
Yes you may hate him for his harsh ways of leading. Yes you may hate him for many other reasons. However, look around you. If not for him and his team, would Singapore be where we are now? Yes it may have gone beyond highly developing to being painfully expensive but you can't deny that he has his contributions to Singapore.
Keep your harsh words to yourself."
Cynthia Lim (The Baking Biatch)

"Prayers for the man who I used to complain so much about, and then realized I had taken my country for granted, after being away for long.
And who he is for me now, is an inpiring, dedicated person, committed to his country.
You know when you start having haters, you have definitely made a difference in most people's lives.
Yes, I am a minority, and it may occur for my community that he is to be blamed that we are so-called 'second class'.
But I invite you, for one second, to be the cause of your own lives. and even if the conspiracy theory is true, so what? You can choose to be a victim, or a victor. Its your life, you CAN have anything you want.
I want to remember him as the person who generously created a safe and thriving space for me when I was growing up.
Thank you, SM Lee."
Shahila Brandt 


"So much has been said about his leadership, his pioneering spirit, his courage to tackle the hard issues, and I am so very glad for that. It gives people in my generation and after us a greater appreciation of the man who brought Singapore to be where it is today.
I can't help but think of my grandma, and countless others in our oldest generation, who have grown up under his leadership, and now wait with heavy hearts. I can't help but wonder how his children feel, caught as they are in the limelight amidst such family sorrow. I can't help but wonder about the struggles left unsaid and misunderstood.
"Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy." - Proverbs 14:10
Praying for you, dear MM Lee."
Dorothea Xu (A pancake princess)


"Along with the rest of the nation, we are heavy-hearted and saying a prayer for the founding father of our nation and his family. Our humble nation will not be where we are if not for your foresight and perseverance to prove the naysayers wrong. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you."
Susann Koh (A juggling Mum)

I stand and share the same voices of my friends. Thank you ordinary people, for making a better Internet in your own way! Let's all learn to be smart and kind online as we await and pray. I too, say my heartfelt thanks to Mr Lee Kuan Yew for bringing our nation this far. Small as we are, there's much power within. It's not who we are without you. I will raise my kids to be a generation of grateful and thankful people.

Academic enrichment for Trend or Need?

Dictionary.com defines peer pressure as, social pressure by members of one's peer group to take a certain action, adopt certain values, or otherwise conform in order to be accepted.

My definition, it's everywhere! Conformity to get hooked and cooked up under pressure is a decision, isn't it? Over the years, academic centres are seen sprouting almost everywhere. Even in the most isolated corner of our island. It's good evidence that enrichment demand and supply are in prosperity. It really is looking like a national parenting obsession now.

Js don't do additional academics classes out of home and school, while the social circle around us have their kids, almost all embarked on various academic programs, 'strawBerries', 'Tian shang' 'Learning Lap' 'Mind straighter' and the you name it centres. We decided not to be succumbed by pressure. I've to confess, it wasn't easy to self convince that it's alright to be playing monopoly junior, scoot, ride or play in the hours of their free time.

Many told me it wasn't a choice, it's survival. Oh well, we do know choices fall in the power of our mind and hands. I get a tad concern if our little ones have choices too. Do we pay some attention to their desires and needs, which could simply be the need for more sleep or play.

If you ask, was I ever concerned or worried? I say, Yes! It's a rat race we're in after all, can't beat them, join them. That's the impulsive thought I had on many occasions, and was at different point of time spurred to sign them up for Chinese, Math and English enrichment classes. It helped manage things better when the man rejigged and calmed my thoughts. Okay I said, let's focus on discovering talents then. Talents that can be advantageously nurtured from young. I had Jazz embarked on piano and both Js are on swimming.

I share my views on why we don't do academic enrichment:

1. It boils down to expectation. I guess we are calm to accept if they don't write or read English and Chinese as fluently as the elites or enrichment going kids. The  formal education begins in Primary 1, I'm sure schools' syllabus has been well organized for every child's pace. Hopping into primary school, I don't think we'll have any big expectations of them getting to the cream of the crop. Being average is our expectation, moving beyond average will be a bonus to us. So yeap, manage expectations. 

2. It really is alright to hold the fear of having our child left behind, because I fear too. In my parenting realm, if they don't make it academically outstanding in life, they should however, not fail in values and character. That will then be my biggest parenting failure. I mean, whether or not God bestowed extraordinarily ingenious children to us, we'll still work our best and love them for what they are.

3. The big question - Are we doing this because we, parents fear failure much more than our kids? It's reasonable because some failures are irreversible. We know what's best for them when they don't seem to know. In midst of counter fighting fears, we can teach the responsibilities of being a student, the commitment to learning and the methods of conquering subject fears. It trains a child not to have too much reliance on the additional enrichment classes.

4. Now we say, our kids don't speak Mandarin at home. I firmly believe all preschools are bilingual. The amount of time spent learning and speaking mandarin in school seems well sufficient than the weekly 1 or 2 hours of enriched mandarin session elsewhere. I believe lessons in schools are as fun as anywhere else.

5. When they do school full day, I do get a little worried about the everyday structured learning in school. We know kids lead and learn best in unstructured environment. It's feels overwhelm to be embarking on additional series of structured learning out of school hours.

6. Over the past few months, we've been school hunting for Js, I was impressed by the academics coverage some schools offered, which left me pondering on why parents are still doing additional enrichment. Trust is a two way traffic, we need to trust the school we've chosen. 

7. Now that both kids are in full day school, it means enrichment classes will spill over to precious weekends. We love keeping weekends relaxed and spaced out. The only weekend class we're doing now is swimming. Jazz's piano session is on a Tuesday evening. It feels good having a full day freed for any family activity filler. 

8. Jazz is 5 and Jare is 4. I don't see the need to burden or overwhelm them with enrichment classes. Would really love to watch them play and enjoy childhood more often now than later. More play would probably aid ideas for interesting composition write ups.

9. We aren't talking about quantum physics, relativity or thermodynamics. I think I can still handle the teachings within our household. No time is quite an excuse. The journey of sending our child to and fro a class is good enough for a quality 1 - 1 lesson with Mummy or Daddy. Though I understand the challenge of teaching our own child, but the best thing about being our child's private tutor isn't just knowing about their progression, it allows us to know our child better. His cognitive and creativity skills, as well as interesting discoveries to his character and learning style.

10. It makes more sense to outsource their swimming, piano and creativity classes, which are those that we can't handle or teach at home. Some of which are better in group learning. So yeap, those that we can't teach, we outsource.

11. Enrichment is not trend where you get followers because you look good in it. It really is a personal choice and style catered to the character and progression of every unique child. What looks good on others may not look good on me. It's essential to identify the learning style of our child - the auditory, visual or kinesthetic learners. It all begins with us being involved in their learning journey and style.

12. For now, we are being prudent about the non-necessities. Enrichment isn't what they need now. The linkage between richness and success seem to light a glow. The richly provided family has it all for their kids, the mediocre or low earning family has its lacks. I will say richness is in love.

Oh well I'm only a mum of preschoolers. I've no foresight of the moving forward and whether or not, I will embark them in academic classes. For now, I can only say I might if they request for it. If not, cultivating the habit of active learning and self revision is always the best discipline. Instilling the attitude of being hungry for knowledge is a always a good trait to adopt.

While I understand every family has its story, this is my story. I fully comprehend the decisions every parent take to mould their children all for the better and smarter. I love you all too! It is however, important not to lose track of the necessities of enrichment classes. The purpose for need or trend? Peer pressure is not a benchmark. There's just this amount of after school hours a kid has, let's fill them wisely.

Not doing enrichment is definitely Not deprived learning, because learning is everywhere. Not doing enrichment is Not a weak or shaky foundation, because we being the 'workers' make sure we cement it really well with our mighty own effort. So everything begins from home. 

To my comrades sailing the same boat as me, I know it isn't an easy decision to get off this trend. Have faith in our decision and kids! Whatever decision made, I'm confident that every parent has the best interests for their child.