Tuesday 11 October 2016

Marriage with kids

10 years ago, the man and I made a dream wedding became a reality. On the 3rd year into our marriage we had our first born, on the 5th year our second born and this 10th year, our third born. In contrast to many long run marriages out there, we are shy of the many years mark ahead. But we celebrate and are thankful for milestones.

We are thankful how these 10 years of being married have made big differences to our lives and the innate part of us. All for bringing out the better and worse in us. The hard truth about being married with kids is that we don't revert to the same life as, just the two of us. Travels and dates are never easy and convenient the moment you start buying diapers.

Being in a marriage with kids is one ultimate test of a marriage. There is a dynamic change from being lovers to parents, and there are various decisions we make as parents to agree and disagree on the kids' growing journey. The newly added and re-distribution of roles, the constant fatigue, the stretch in finances and the many challenges the kids sprinkle into a marriage. Never ending surprises.

You would have realised too, what was argued in the past is negligent among the arguments of today. You get wiser in sifting out what to rake and what to slide. You know that less arguments means more time for bonding. Some days, the connection becomes just like instructions instead of meaningful communication.

Like many say, a good marriage is the best gift to the kids. Stay cautious not to cultivate a burn out marriage. After all, marriage is a longer journey than parenting the kids. If need to, take a break from the kids to get the flame burning!

  • Don't stop taking pictures as a couple
  • Don't stop taking pictures of each other
  • Don't stop the little acts we do before kids came along
  • Don't keep whatsapp and messages to just kids' conversations
  • Groom a reliable babysitter
  • Meet those eyes when communicating
  • Greet each other when home 
  • Say "Sorry"

Moving from couplehood to parenthood isn't all too daunting. It has however showed me more clearly whom I've really married 10 years ago. I can never be more grateful to God for sending him to me. I remember very vividly, the thoughts that ran through my mind just a day before our wedding. I analysed if this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not just as a couple, but also as the Dad of my future kids. He wasn't wealthy, romantic, a sweet talker or someone with special talents. And nope, we don't marry someone in hope that he will change for the better, because then, we will disappoint hard if he doesn't change.

I only knew he was reliable, responsible and extremely hardworking. Can't go too wrong from there, and so I said, "I do." You won't believe he keeps spreadsheets of our expenses like diaper and petrol!

There's no sure bet, but I scored it.

With no regrets I married this man and with no regrets we have 3 lovely kids.

I often tell Jazz, love is beyond being superficial. It isn't like how Anna met Prince Hans in Frozen, and decide to get married that soon. No. And I tell Jare, God sends you a wife to love and respect. Dad is a fine example, but you'll probably need to be more romantic than him. Always pray earnestly and keep God in the center of your decisions.

To my bro who's tying the knot end of this month, love and cherish each other. Wedding is just a day, but marriage is a lifetime. That's the focus. Don't take too long to enjoy couplehood because my kids will love to have cousins!

To my man, Happy 10th anniversary. We've aged, but I think we are looking graceful and glorious with the achievements this far. Thankful for you!

Everyone else, keep calm and keep producing! Kids are joyful.

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