The littlest turned ONE

The littlest in our family turned ONE!

A look back on blog, I know there is barely any chronicle on Juboy. Not that he is portioned less love, or that his milestones are insignificant, just that, my hands are full!

Milestones are memorable and worth celebrating over, but after having three, it becomes a swift growing phase. We stop chasing milestones, because we know they will eventually come to past. A healthy and happy little one is all we ask for.

Juboy is slightly underweight, I stopped breastfeeding when his weight was stagnant between his 6th and 7th month. I felt like I was dying of guilt when advised to switch to formula to up his calories intake. Though drinking and eating well, he didn't seem to get any much chubby since. I self comforted that it's probably Daddy's genes he took after.

This boy is the most fortunate of three. I took him, and is still taking him into the hands of my full time care. While I was out working before older Js turned one. So yes, there is a vast difference in terms of sanity. When you are out of home working, you get that break and breather from home and kids, but a stay home Mum is stuck to her job duties regardless.

Being a full time Mum to a baby is a whole load of chaos physically and mentally, and in my role, with greater time and tasks distribution among the three.

I've to say it has been a tough year juggling three. I had the baby almost everywhere I went with older Js, but I'm glad it did not deter us from venturing places.

New Mothers need more of that love and encouragement. We get the harshest treatment of incessant crying, most disgusted poop, worst regurgitation and endless mind games to a bub who can barely sign or verbalize. Some days, it takes a toil on us. 

We cry with the baby too.

We cook on some days with a leech to our legs or arms, but still, we need to cook. There are older kids to feed. 
The dinner schedule is often delayed.

We try to catch up on our meals, but largely depends on the baby's schedule. Most times, we skip or if not, eat with a baby in our arms.
Meal time gets quicker.

We slot in time for catch up with friends who do not birth around the same time as us, we ended up running in and out the restaurant with an impatient baby. Gracious friends we need!
We can't do quality catch up. 

We upkeep the house in midst of a sticky baby, and some days we just can't get any chores done. 
The house is in a mess. 

We plan our toilet visits, or if not, we bring a little companion along. There's no hideout even if it means toilet break.  
We have a constant toilet companion.

You can tell, there's no time for hobbies. Only time we have is when the baby is sleeping, with hopefully an easy and sound bedtime.  
We sacrifice a big part on time and sleep.

We are often in the mad rush of packing and bringing everyone out to be on time for appointments.
We battle with punctuality. 

We don't know if the guilt is skewed towards the older kids or the youngest baby, but they have all given up certain needs and wants during varying situations. 
We struggle in the game of guilt.

We forgot or rather, we can't find time to care for ourselves. It's all about baby first, then Mama 
We struggle to love ourselves.  
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The list goes on without an end. If you know of a new Mum, send her some love!!! It's not easy tying through the crying days of a baby. Though I felt I could cope better after gloriously raising 2 independent ones, I won't lie that there are bleak days for me. 

The good news, seasoned Mothers will say is, it will all be over in a flash! A year flew over this quick for me. There's so much of a mixed feeling within. A part of me feeling emotional that I have not savour enough of that babyhood and adorable moments, and a part of me is looking forward to witness him acquire independence. 

Raising a baby is interestingly contradicting. 

Hang in there, Mummies of new babies! Growing takes time and time seems like the only recovery for us. The long, tired and hectic days will be over, the crying will get lesser, feeding time gets stretched, the baby bag gets lighter and the routine gets better. It will all be over before we welcome a new set of change. For the better.

There's always light at the end of a tunnel.

To my third born who is ONE, "Happy Birthday! Thank you for completing the family and sprinkling our lives with more laughter! We love you and may you continue to grow in good health and wisdom!" 

Empowering the Daughter

Earlier this month, the daughter turned gracefully eight. Being the eldest, she is the constant reminder of my celebration in Motherhood years. The journey that once embarked, never seems to end. The journey that requires deep commitment and willingness to keep going even during tough circumstances. The journey with thrown in the towel umpteen times, but still got back to serve. All these in the name of LOVE.

I am Thankful for my kids, the gifts that were bestowed to me, regardless of how and what they were. I don't really understand how the gender of my children were arranged by God, but I am grateful that I am gifted a daughter. Where we can braid with each other's hair and squeal over princesses together.

Most Thankful that she is a simple girl with no complicated requests. I asked what she would like to do on her birthday, she said a playdate with her favourite friends! That wasn't difficult at all, I thought. We did park with her friends in the morning and dinner with more favourite friends in the evening. These got her really contented.

I gifted a 12 points note to our son, Jare, and to play fair, here are my words gifted to the daughter, to empower her:

1. You are beautiful! Always. Beautiful like we often define is, on the inside and outside. 

2. White lies and over flattery words are not my forte. I believe there's always truth in love! You have to believe in Mama.

3. Between Envy and Jealously. Always choose to envy. With envy there is togetherness, joy and celebration. Jealously often leads to dire consequences.

4. It's alright to fail. It matters how we learn from it and persevere on getting it right. 

5. Always deal people with Sincerity. It melts anyone's heart. 

6. We accept and love you for who you are. We may not agree with your temperament at difficult moments, but we accept the fact that you have a mind of her own. We give space and build respect.

7. Humility. Often, most often, there is a trend of over bragging girls. Sometimes, it's not what we share, but how we share. Sometimes, we can choose to contain achievements within the family. Stay humble. Always. 

8. Remember the animations we watched on Nemo and Dory? They are perfect examples of forgiveness and forgetfulness when it comes to hurt relationships. It helps us move on.

9. There will always be some others who will choose to be jealous or say mean things at us. We can't choose their acts, but we can control our response. Do what feels right to the conscience.

10. Between courage and fear, always choose courage. Speaking up and doing the right thing often involve a mountain of debate between fear and courage. While it may not be easy choosing the latter, it helps in taking the first step out of that comfort zone.

11. No matter how strain or upset our Mother and daughter relationship can be on some days, we will always commit to bridge and smooth whatever frictions we have. Only if we have an open and close relationship, we can have access to the inner thoughts of our hearts and minds.

12. Choose right friends. Friends that encourages and appreciates you for who you are! Nice to always have 1 or 2 confidantes than a whole lot of them. Better to have a quality of wonderful friends than a quantity of them. Be a treasured friend too!

Simplicity and kindness sum you up. May you continue to grow in love, wisdom and gratitude. Happy 8th birthday, Darling!

What are your ways of empowering a daughter?

10 reasons why we allow screen time

The man and I are big users of our handheld phones, anyone else is. Largely because we work with it! Emails, messages, social media, apps, directory, photo editing etc. falls conveniently into one common device today. I'm wowed and in awed of how fast we have progress, and how human's lives get smarter each day.

In short, I am spurred to spill my thoughts on this article I read (10 reasons why handheld devices should be banned for children under 12). While we are always taught to discern the writing of an article, this doesn't quite make sense to me. In sum, the writer is all against children below 12 using handheld devices.

Why am I concern? Because my older kids, 6 and 8 are allowed on my handheld devices! The key point is, limited screen time. While some parents are TOTALLY against it, I give my take on why we do have screen time on our laptop and devices. CONTROLLED.

1. Digital news. News is now presented in digital technology. We do not subscribe to the physical copy of newspaper anymore. We moved to getting the digital copy and read it off the tablet or laptop. I show the kids relevant and interesting articles from whatever device I'm using.

2. Apps. We have apps that read stories, create fun photos/videos, directories, dictionaries and many others. Choosing a valuable app is yet another story. Games, yes, we have. And our kids are allowed to game with us, with controlled usage. I have to mention, playing certain games are actually good for that reaction time and finger motor skill. I don't think we are the only family who plays Pokemon with our kids.

3. e-learning. Having the daughter hopped into primary school last year, my mind grew even more open with her handling our laptop and tablet. There are IT lessons in school that teaches much on IT and internet safety, as well as homework that requires the use of software and online research.

4. We teach them to research using online search engines. We've come to a point where Dad and Mum are beyond their convenient encyclopedia. And Yes, we do have a concern of Internet safety. We rely much on Kiddle and the purchase of Norton to keep them safe. The latter shows us what the kids did online if we happen to not be around. Though I highly avoid leaving them alone with the devices.

Kiddle

Norton Family Software

5. I often show articles of what I, as a Mum is unable to convince, but the Internet is. Which means, it's another opportunity for us to learn how to discern fake and genuine news, facts and opinions, sources and credibility. Along the years, kids may trust us, family for news, but they will still prefer scooping it from social media or other online sources. Teach them to discern.

6. Learning. Js very much love to draw. We use videos for tutorials. The World of YouTube videos is endless! From tutorials to a bunch of trashy stuff, you can find them all. A better platform for them to surf and give parents that peace of mind would be YouTube Kids. Launched in Singapore last November, this apps throws out only family friendly videos and is almost safe for child's usage.

YouTube Kids

You have no idea how frustrated I have been with YouTube and their load of crappy suggested videos one after another. Explicit, inappropriate and trashy I would say. Glad YouTube kids was introduced!

7. All genre of content and media can be played on any device, TV, phone, tablet or laptop. Sometimes, it seems more acceptable for kids to be on the TV or laptop, but not handheld devices. Yes, in that sense the former has larger fonts and images, which are less taxing on those eyes. If not, it boils down to how each device is used and what content they are ingesting.

8. I am very assured that screening will never replace my role of active parenting. We would always choose to play and communicate the human way.

9. Demonstrate good habits as adults. There are various ways to adopt, we avoid using and walking with our handheld devices, we try to remember putting screens away when communicating, we prioritise tasks and we don't get addicted to gaming.

10. Reality. The thing about parenting today with digital technology is that we don't have our own experience to go back to and look at. We have progressed. Rapidly.

The critical question is not how to totally ban or avoid, but what to screen, how much to screen and how to interpret media. For as long as we can guide them. 

Internet is a Big World out there, media and online safety begins at home and in school. Always:

1. Be present to know what they are doing

2. Limit time

The only time we are unable to limit now, is e-learning from school. School's expectations, no? Sometimes, the assignments can be so time consuming that all you need to remember is resting that mind and eyes.

When do you start?
Introduction of devices is a gradual process. Some may start real young (recommended age is above 2 years old) and some would delay it as much as possible. I think if kids are already making good sense of the surroundings, getting inquisitive and reading almost well, why not use devices and technology to explore the bigger world?

We know it's highly damaging when a child games all day long, or watch a meaningless cartoon or drama for hours. Develop good screening habits from young. Let them know that there is a limit to it, and they can't abscond with it.

While there are meaningless videos, there are also educational videos like documentaries.

Screen time can be of quality and should be limited. The full liberty should only be given when a child knows exactly how to priortise work, rest and play appropriately. And importantly, deal with Internet and social media safely.

Common sense screening is for everyone. It has not made my children abandon reading physical books, throw extreme tantrums for taking the screen away, feel lost without an alternative to screening or result in lesser family bonding moments.

It helps widen their perspectives and not suppress their curiosity.

Open mindedness

While we do not use these devices to pacify or induce our kids to stay seated or finish their meals, I am not adverse with parents doing so. We do not fight the same battle. I use it desperately on shopping trips during vacations, when the kids get restless. When Mum shops, anything that works, is in.

Perhaps, the next time we see a family with their kid's eyes fixed on that screen, we should be slow to react, clam to process and avoid judgement. It does not instantly interpret as a less loving parent. There's always a story to every behind the scene.

The world is evolving, quoting Jazz, "Humans may extinct when robots take over!" Children of today will have to be comfortable and smart with technology of various forms. Board games may get digital, textbooks may all fall into a single device (Yay to lighter school bags!), as well as many other smart possibilities out there! It really is almost impossible to go back to the simple days of playing 5 stones or catching longkang fish. Children are our future, so is technology.

The debate never ends, but this is the digital story of our family.