Thursday, 30 June 2016

Raising a little girl

Parenting is often a journey of decisions and choices. The only one choice that we leave in God's hands, is the gender of our birth.

I'm in the journey of parenting 1 daughter and 2 sons. In any way, I'm blessed. But that has also made me realized the significant fears and worries of raising daughters. Jazz's arrival 7 years ago moulded and mellowed me in various ways. A once quick to speak and act lady, now turned a cautious woman. For I know, my words and acts will be mirrored by little followers, especially daughters who look up to their Mothers as role models.

So when someone cuts my line in a queue or when a driver drives recklessly into my lane, I've to exercise good thoughts and handle circumstances calmly. Motherhood is changing!

Parenting Jazz is a bliss, she is one thoughtful and kind-nature girl who rarely gives me heartache on academics and the various ways that make it easier. She is very teachable. She is sweet and lovely in the different ways from Jare. It wasn't too long ago that I carried her in my arms, witnessed her walk and now, starting out in school. Not too long later, she will have become an adolescence. And even sooner, she will leave with her prince. During the transition of phases, I foresee many worries and challenges ahead of our relationship.

I've come to discover more about our Mother and daughter relationship. It doesn't get easier.

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When she was 5

We grow on our differences, perceptions and ideas. The gap widens, and it's even more evident when I see this between my Mum and I, even till today. Girls deal more with emotions than boys. So frankly, I ain't too worried about how the boys handle their obstacles and failures.

Which brings me to the point about how Jazz handles her emotions. We often find opportunities to praise and reward, to build on that self esteem. If something's well done, we are quick to give credit and when something goes wrong, chiding her swims up a bag of emotions. 

We had a battle yesterday morning, and it spurred my thoughts about raising daughters. Not invading too much into her privacy, I've to say there really is much work to do in me, when handling the daughter. Things will not be the same, and parenting style will have to adapt to her different stages of maturity. My points and concerns will not always make it to her mind. Steel hard truth.

In midst of these, always comes the emotional challenge which I am either hot headed with or frightful of. Hot headed when I see that it's not a necessary fuss, or frightened because I don't know how will she want to deal with it. Emotions isn't just within our bubble, it affects the people around us. It's not easy to deal with negativities positively. Jare on the other hand is usually quick to get over a bad feel. I wish I could  always be saying these kids forgive and forget easily.

Dealing with a girl is almost like navigating a land mine or decoding a password. It's tough and complicated. Aren't all women in that same boat, anyway? In the coming years, I should know that we will have more differences, we will have fights, she may hate me, she will hoard onto the things I deem as trash and she will think that I don't understand her. But all in the name of Love. I love her and I have never wanted to compromise on what's best for her and her character.


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My bubbly 7 year old

Do you feel the same parenting a girl too? 

However smooth or rough our journey, she will always be my daughter, my friend and my best shopping buddy!

18 comments :

  1. Ayra is turning 5 and I've been fighting this angry-mother-emo-daughter relationship since she turned 4. I've much to learn and troubleshoot bringing up both my girls. And both with very different character and needs. This post is timely reminder for me to start reflecting and find better ways to love, communicate and guide my girls. Thanks for sharing Karen.

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    1. So true, we do need different parenting methods with different child. May we grow to learn and troubleshoot with much wisdom along the days. Jia you!

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  2. I do find parenting a daughter a lot harder than boys. For one, their hormones are evident from the start. At least for my little Faye! She's so temperamental and her mood swings are like a Viking ride. I cannot imagine what she might become if I am to be a little bit more relaxed with the way I bring her up. Looking forward to a tight bond w my daughter too but everything starts now. The foundation, the discipline and the murual understanding.

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    1. Yes, everything little teaching begins from the day they were birthed. It seems somehow we have to get stricter with them. I look forward to a continued close bond with my daughter too.

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  3. I have 2 daughters and they both have different temperaments. I accept both of them as who they are and I don't worry too much about parenting them differently. But then again, mine are still very young. Perhaps ask me again in a few years time?

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    1. Enjoy the lovable days, Michelle. Jazz has started to disagree with my choices and decisions. But I've also learnt to accept and respect it along the way.

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  4. I find it challenging for both gender. If they show their emotions, still not too bad. Worse is when they don't show at all and you don't know how they feel and how you should go about handling the situation...sigh...parenting is a tough job!

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    1. Exactly! The worrying part is when they are emotionless, making us wonder if they are taking it well or if they need help. There's really much about parenting.

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  5. Parenting is really a tough job regardless the gender of the kids and we are often challenged in so many ways. But there is also joy at the end of each tough situation.

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    1. So true, we should end every tough situation with great joy.

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  6. My girl is 10 but more boyish. I must say its seems more challenging to guide her not because of gender but more of her character. Theres so much to learn and I think I will continue to learn even when my kids are grown up

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    1. Yeah, character plays the essential factor in our parenting role. I'm just wondering how will things change or remain when Jazz reaches your girl's age. Hmm...

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  7. My girls are 7 & 10 years old. Totally can relate to you. There are times we just need our 'cooling off' period, I'm still learning especially on my patience level. I think the best is to work on communication. Regardless how bad the day may be, we will always give each other hugs before bedtime.

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    1. 'cooling off' period is just so needed at times. For both parties. I love how you always end a bad day with hugs.

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  8. Yes. I absolutely agree that parenting a girl is tricky! Boys are so straightforward with their emotions in comparison.

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    1. We are so going to understand each other better. Now that we both have 2 boys and a girl!

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  9. OMG I think we have a consensus here! Generally, I feel that my younger girl is harder to "decode" than my older boy. Not sure if it's because the boy can verbalise his thoughts better, or if the girl is still young. Either way, I also find myself a little bit more soft-hearted when it comes to girls..... Oops.

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    1. Soft-hearted parenting applies to me too! It's somehow true for me as well, that the boy is more verbal about his thoughts. At least, I don't have to play mind games with him.

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