Friday 17 May 2013

No anger project - Follow up

It's been more than 3 weeks since I started on my 'No anger' project. The outcome is... I Failed my challenge! Yes, extremely disappointed with myself, how could I not see this through, how could I not hold back that yelling and anger?!! The endless 'How could I.' It definitely wasn't of any help when my man said, "How can the kids not be scolded or yelled at?" With much confidence, I told him it was possible, because the kids deserve the best of us. And now, it seems like he was absolutely right. After all, he didn't pledge himself to this project. First week was a breeze because he did all the crescendo pitching while I was in thoughts about how to react to the various situations.

I was doing pretty well initially, had everything in control till the second week, just when it was another rushed morning and Jazz wouldn't cooperate to brush her teeth and get changed up for school. I exploded and fret over it when she sat on bed for a good 30 minutes. Taking the peaceful way out seems too long and time consuming, I really didn't have all day long. It's true I lost my opportunity to teach patience and show her how to manage anger. I was only focused about setting her discipline right every morning. That day on, I knew this project came to a halt, and I was only half mark to my 2 weeks goal.

There are always learning points from every failed attempt, I've tolerated what I couldn't really tolerate before my project began and learned much from a failed attempt:

1. Jare loves eating with his fingers, despite the presence of fork and spoon, all food seems finger linking good to him. So well, I've learned not to freak out too much on that. I still mind, a little, but I've learned to let go and let him.

2. I've realised most out of control situations can be resolved with a loving tone, much hugs and kisses. It's true, this works 90% the time. It fails because we chose not to start calm.

3. I use the 'cane' in very extreme behaviours, those that crosses the house rule boundaries. Then I realsied the 'cane' doesn't work too well with me. It sure works very fine with the kids. When I get hold of it, I get immediate obedience. The threat of it is very potent. The bad is, once I hold it, it means I'm too angry to simmer down. It gets my yelling and anger out of control. I'm trying to get that stick out of sight and mind now.

4. I've learned to be more consistent in discipline and set clear boundaries of unacceptable behaviours. Inconsistency is every kid's opportunity to test the limits.

5. I've learned patience, much more than before. It takes a longer route to settlement, but worth the effort. I've used much more distractions tactics than before. They're effective most time!

6. Not yelling doesn't mean we get our hands totally off the kids. Ignorance is not a total bliss after all.

7. Lastly, I love it when we can solve problems amicably. It's truly a win-win situation for both.

And one fine day, after my thwarted project, I asked Jazz to come on board with me. Help me by not yelling and getting angry with her Jare and her, I told her we need some good teamwork in this. Then one day, while we were in the library, she did me a colourful bird. She said, "This is for you Mummy, when you get angry, look at this picture okay." She sure pleased me. Since then, she colours her pictures creatively and colourfully to help keep my mood happy.
Colours make one happy
As I started on my project, some mummies introduced me to reading The Orange Rhino Challenge. A Mummy with 4 boys, and into her 463rd yell-less day. Inspired!

So well, let me try not yelling and be slow to anger, yet again. Attempt 2 begins! A 3 week goal for now. Here I come embarking again!

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