Tuesday 30 September 2014

Saying "sorry"

Very much often, humans are covered with that tinge of pride, that we find it difficult to swallow and admit a fault. Never mind that we decide not to apologize, what's more concerning is when we decide to find more faults on others to make ourselves feel better and magnify our righteousness.

I must say apologizing is sometimes not an easy task. I was like that and I have since learned to mellow down much. I'm a Mum, I have little followers after all.

In a recent instance, when I was signing Jazz for a course in a music school, I was very much frustrated with some inappropriate courses they recommended me. Then I called up their other branches with the same queries and found out I was offered some different information. I blew up a little at the lady I spoke to, as I was upset with the diversity of information given. Fast forward, with much little stories within, I found out I maligned a wrong person. Information given was absolutely right, I got confused. Not only was I regretful, I was also deeply embarrassed for not sorting my information right. I am often too hasty to anger. Terrible I know.

Oh well, I could have come out with more excuses like them not giving me solutions, having a new staff on board handling my queries or for getting me all confused. Instead, I decided to end things amicably by apologizing on my blunder mixed up. I could have walked off and ignored the damage done. Leaving them apologetic, feeling bad and probably have some curses behind my back, but nah, I think they did a great job and not deserve my typical Singaporean style of complains. I apologized to end our day well. 

So then, very often, when Js did something wrong that warrants an apology, the intention and sincerity is very much important. I often get grumps and unwillingness when I hint them to apologize. I had to repeatedly emphasize on our purpose of apologizing. We know saying sorry isn't just a word and it ain't easy at times.

 photo 79f50cb8-343a-401a-830c-5c8f76f24d29_zps828814c1.jpg
And she gives me sweet notes when she upsets me

Parents often make saying sorry a little of compulsory, to make ourselves feel better instead of the kids. But it may not be a meaningful lesson to teach and learn. Don't belittle the word "sorry', there's simply so much out of it. How about some steps to appreciate the art of apology:

1. Question the scenario: Make them ponder about it. Destroying someone's build up blocks or doodling on others work would upset the person and it's really painful to watch efforts go to waste. We often conclude those acts with mischief, but let's ask why they did it. Questioning also ensures that we don't malign the wrong person.

2. Phrasing our request: Instead of saying, "Can you say sorry?", I often try "Could you say something to make him feel better?" Coming up with their own words of comfort with a sorry and hugs not only help mediate situations, it sends them thinking about their act.

3. Amend: Yes, it's a great start with that verbal apology. All would be better if complimented with some acts to rectify the situation. A joint effort to fix something or checking on each other feelings would be wonderful. 

4. Sincerity: It takes some readiness to understand the intention and bring out that sincerity. If they aren't sincere about it, I'll tell them to try again later when they're all ready. What is an apology without great understanding and good intention within.

5. Forgiveness: Ah hah, working on the victim now. When my other child decides to play punk by saying, "I'm still upset" or "I cannot forgive" I know they are kidding. Kids are widely acclaimed to forgive and forget the quickest than any grown ups. Isn't it wonderful that we're starting all these young?!!! I'll remind them that an apology has be courageously sent out, forget about the spilt milk that we can't gather. Let's move on.

6. Outcome: We must have all realised apologizing made everyone felt better! Which is the outcome we want to achieve. It's perfectly alright to apologize for our mistakes.

The art of apologizing should not to be ignored or taken granted for. It shapes a child to take on responsibilities for mistakes, recognize a fault, relieve a guilt and mend things right. If only the World revolves like this. There's just so much to learn from being sorry.


  1. Apologising is something that I need working on as I can be very stubborn. But I've also noticed that this is something that Sophie has picked up from me, so now I'm faster to apologise and admit my mistake. Wrote about a similar topic on my post today too.

  2. Hey susan, me too! Apologizing is always something hard on my stubborn personality. After having little followers, I think it's easier to mellow down.


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