Sunday, 9 September 2012

Favouritism

Had disrupted sleep from the kids again. My eyes are tired but I just can't go back to bed, so heavy in thoughts. Jare woke up with loud cries and that woke Jazz up. After having coaxed Jare, Jazz asked for milk, and that's when it got a tired mummy mad. 

Firstly, she's big enough to wean off any night feeds. This habit that used to be non-existent seemed to have become her gradual night comfort. I've told her off many times and over here, I wasn't ready to compromise. I gave her a good lecture and insisted on no milk. I know she can sleep through without milk, it's the comfort of bottle sucking that's the culprit. I'm keeping to bottle drinking for reason that she consumes more through bottle than cup. I think I should dump the bottles right before her eyes, kids of her age here don't even use bottles. Maybe get peers to help her if she gets to school.  

While I was wide awake giving her some earful moments, I began to tear as I went on and on. I had a rough day with her today. I know it's jetlag, I know she's tired, but that doesn't give her the 'privilege' to misbehave. We had lunch with my man's sponsor, one that the school has assigned to help us settle well, followed by dinner with my man's colleague and wife. Jazz was all so misbehaved and ill-mannered! Pains me to even mention her this way. She doesn't greet or acknowledge when being talked or questioned. She yelled, demanded things her way and got impatient extremely quick. Any other days too. As I ranted on at her, flow of thoughts came in, one after another. From midnight milk to meal behaviours, to social manners and to daily bad habits. It's just so heart aching as I brought up the negatives. And since my man slacks in discipline, I have to up that role, despite the risk of being called devil mummy.

As I scolded her, I realised my love bank for her fell for a moment. For every bad act she does, there are some debits made. For any good acts, it's natural we credit and up our love. I told my man, I failed in upbringing a well mannered girl, I failed in correcting her bad behaviours. After all, parenting plays great roles in their characters. Heartbreakingly, I told him "I really don't know how to love her anymore." Was that in fit of anger or with some truth within? I'm simply exasperated! You know, love is the constant correction of a child's wrongdoing, teaching and expressing your likes and loves to him. I said that because I felt like washing my hands of this child. But I'm clear, whatever happens, once my child, always my child. Sometimes, I'll just want to leave her as she is, she'll outgrow anyway. But that's not my style, she needs to know what's good and bad, what's right and wrong at any point of time.    

Jazz was all quiet as I went on, which again, I had to ask for acknowledgements. "Do you understand?", "Are you gonna do that again?" Ranting had my mood simmered, I cooled down and took the soft approach. I know she has good acts, I know this child has a character of her own and I know I love her. Just that when misbehaviours display, patience and limits get really stretched and sometimes spill over to what I can contain. I know she's just a 3 year old, but there so many good skills a 3 year old is capable of. That sets my expectations too. 

I have 2 children, they are of very different characters. Jazz would wake up with grumpy mornings, but Jare would usually wake up smiley regardless the hours they slept. They are of different ages, and I know it's definitely not a stage that Jare has reached. I have upsetting moments with Jare too, but sometimes I fear I might love him more over big sister. He's been really sticky to me and at his age, it's usually the most adorable. I was just thinking, if I had an account book for each of them, with daily credits and debits, which child's bank would be filled with more love? Surely the one who's well-behaved gets richer love from the parents, and that sets the danger zone for any parent because favouritism begins. I didn't further entertain that thought, I don't want to become a victim of that. I want to maintain healthy love banks by teaching them to keep adding credits, and not a scoreboard for choosing the best child. Each child is differently precious and important to me. They are like part of my body, not functional without any. I have to constantly self-remind - Equal sacrifice and Equal love. Favouritism is definitely gonna make any parenting journey tough.

At the end of my 30 minutes discipline, Jazz asked for an apple instead. I gave her one whole apple, she crunched and chewed on it for the next 10 minutes. Looking at her eating the apple, combing her hair from her back, I realised how long has her hair grown. Moment like this gave me time to notice the little things within her. Before I could finish admiring and combing her hair, she turned around, showed me the well eaten apple, all the way to the core, except the seeds of course, I thought my little girl has all grown up. From eating sliced apple to whole apple with skin. Satisfied, she popped back to bed.

"Darling Jazz, I hope I'm always the apple of your eye. Mummy loves you! And little brother too!"

Sigh of relieved. At least, I cleared my mind to get back my sanity. Sharing about kids' extreme misbehaviours can be so embarrassing. How would others have thought or think about my children and my parenting styles? Well, I'm sure every parent has their ups and downs. If your kids are usually well-behaved, good for you, you've taught them well. I'm still learning and mastering the art of parenting. Do share good parenting tips with me!


Always there for you both!


9 comments :

  1. Cheer up gal I think you are doing good.. Maybe Jazzelle is having jet lag and trying to adapt hence throwing tantrum. Jazzelle is a good girl, she is shy to greet or talk to people she seldom meet. I believe she will get chatty once she knows them.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Take it easy, sis. The kids r probably trying to adapt. Jareth gets it easy, given his age. As long as he has mommy, daddy, toys n food, he probably won't care even if the world is crippling. Jazzelle is old enough to recognise changes around her. She's probably trying to adapt but not sure how and not sure how to say it out explicitly? Give her some time ba. Talk to her more?

    ReplyDelete
  3. U know Tt Sunday I told u I never been so mad at J that I even dropped him from attending Javier bday party ...today he did so well in class I was a very proud mother ... There are days ... Can't be perfect everyday ... But it's huge change for the kids moving abroad ... Perhaps u should loosen the kite string Abit until routine is established n discipline starts

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wifey, Jareth can also get on our nerves too just that Jazzelle know how to express herself so we have higher expectation of her to understand us. I agreed she is stubborn n bad temper at times, but we have to also look at the good side of her. Have to be patience with them. Take a deep breath.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi PT and Evan, thanks for the kind words. How's king? Hope all good and well!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jaime, at least u have more perfect days than me. Oh, so missing J and C. Bring them here for holiday!

    ReplyDelete
  7. karen..ur hubby so sweet haha...
    this morning in fact most morning J seems to wake up on the wrong side of bed .while C is always smiling so sweetly..always on the right side of bed...USA is very daunting for me. i have 1 week AL in nov..planned to bring the kids for a cold cold holiday...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Jaime, 1 week too short la, 2 weeks and come here!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jaime, 1 week too short la, 2 weeks and come here!

    ReplyDelete

Blog Widget by LinkWithin